Threading the Needle

I got my COVID vaccine last week on Monday... my Johnson & Johnson vaccine, as a matter of fact. The very next day, use of all J&J vaccines was paused. Now manufacturing has been suspended, and the news is rife with drama (as always).

There's two ways of looking at this: my vaccine timing was either perfect, or I have the worst timing in the world. I think it might be the former, and I'll explain why.

I was on the fence about getting the vaccine at all. Vaccines absolutely have their uses, but this one felt rushed. All of the vaccines are unapproved; there is no FDA-approved vaccine to prevent COVID-19 right now, and Moderna, Pfizer, and Johnson & Johnson are all being given under Emergency Use Authorization (EUA). They haven't undergone the same type of review as other vaccines (yet). In other words, there is still an unknown factor here, and this is a hurried attempt to stop the COVID bleeding.

I don't know how long the vaccine lasts. I can still get and transmit the virus, so it doesn't mean I'm in the clear to party like it's 1999 or burn my masks. I don't even know if I've already had COVID or how much I've been exposed to it or if it would affect me severely. So why would I have something experimental voluntarily injected into me...?

But there's talk of variants. There's talk of it running rampant among the younger to middle-aged crowd. I want to travel; and actually, I'm going to! No matter how you look at it, COVID isn't going away.

There's inherent risk in everything. It's a risk to get an unapproved vaccine; it's also a risk to not get a COVID vaccine. The Johnson & Johnson vaccine was created using more traditional, tried-and-true methods - it's a viral vectored vaccine, compared to Moderna and Pfizer's new mRNA technology. It's one shot, compared to two. My family expressed their concern for my health. So on the Friday before last, I cautiously made up my mind: I would get the one-and-done, old school, Johnson & Johnson COVID vaccine... if I could get an appointment locally and soon.

Honestly, it didn't look like it was going to pan out (and I was kind of ok with that!). Vaccine appointments in the big city are hard to come by. But then I checked one last time late in the evening, against all odds, and suddenly it was there: Johnson & Johnson, within a reasonable distance, in three days. With my heart beating out of my chest and my hands shaking, I signed up... and then spent all weekend talking myself in and out of my decision. I prayed about it and asked God to make it clear what I should do one way or the other - or, watch over my health either way (vaccine or no, my days are already numbered - it says so in Job 14:5).

The news of the J&J pause was initially upsetting, the day after. Why would you allow me to do this, God?! Now I have to worry about getting a blood clot in my brain! But He knows me. With all my trepidation up to this point, would I have been eager to sign up for a vaccine after that news came out? No. Would I have been willing to get Moderna or Pfizer instead? Probably not. Would I have trusted Johnson & Johnson later on? I don't know.

I didn't feel like God answered my prayers before I got the vaccine, so I trusted He was taking care of me regardless. Now, it seems fair to assume that He must have wanted me to get it. If I didn't take that plunge when I did, I'm not sure I ever would have. I'll keep praying that I don't get any blood clots or severe reactions, but I know God's plan will win out in the end, and I have faith in that. Father knows best.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

-J